If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
love makes seman taste better
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
