Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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