I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
