Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
