Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
