why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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