I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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