then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
