WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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