Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
