WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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