He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know her cup size but not her name....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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