hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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