the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
