I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
