I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
