She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
