i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
