therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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