So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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