the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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