Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
