on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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