I hate your face
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
