Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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