Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
