I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
