Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Dear god my vagina.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
