i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
