I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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