i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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