I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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