paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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