I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
