pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
