I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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