i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
