Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
