True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
