Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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