Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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