Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
