You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
