He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
