I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
