I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
