some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
