Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
