but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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