went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
