Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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