ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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