you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
