fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i can't believe i had my finger in that
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
